Weasely Mike

by Oren the Otter

This poem is set immediately after chapter 3 of the Fuzzy Doom series.

Oh he was a bright young lad was he
and never had much of a care
for Mike was a happy and loved raccoon
all covered with black and gray hair, grey hair
oh, ev'ryone loved Mike's hair.

But Mike had a weakness which came out one day.
He lusted for sparkly things
and so he made use of some lockpicking skills
to pilfer the jewler's best rings, best rings.
How badly did Mike want those rings.

But little did Mike know the jeweler was in
that jeweler had fire in his eyes.
He happened to be a quite powerful mage
who whipped up a little surprise, surprise,
a wholloper of a surprise.

"Hey I know you!" said the mage to the coon.
"You're Mike, with the fabulous coat!
That gives me a notion, I'll whip up a potion
to transform you into a stoat, a stoat
A weasel, or ermine, or stoat."

And though he protested, his sentence was passed.
He still had such wonderful hair,
but now he was weasely inside and out
and never would fit anywhere, 'nywhere.
A weasel's not liked anywhere.

And so weasel-Mike travelled off on his own
away from the jewels so shiny.
He jumped in a boat and he paddled away
out onto the giant blue briny, blue briny.
He sailed alone on the briny.

He happened upon a small tropical isle
where sailors were gathered, all huddled.
They stood all around a great big treasure chest
and all of them looked quite befuddled, befuddled
the lock had them each one befuddled.

"Excuse me, good Sirs." said the weasely Mike.
"I see you can't access the booty."
"Well if you can open it" said Captain Lem
"We'll give you a share of the loot-y, the loot-y.
We'll send you home loaded with loot-y."

And so did Mike break out his lock-picking tools
and quickly the lock did he trip
but when asked just what part of the treasure he wanted
he said "let me sail on your ship, on your ship
Just a meal and a bed on your ship."

The good captain gave him a big lemming smile
and said, showing big, friendly teeth
"My good weasel, don't think that you're not welcome here
for our ship, she could use a good thief, good thief
and you've mighty nice fur for a thief."

So up to this day Mike has stayed on that ship
and never displays any gloom.
He's happy, quite happy to serve with his friends
aboard the good ship Fuzzy Doom, Fuzzy Doom
as a pirate aboard Fuzzy Doom.